How Fights Get Started – 2

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my Order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started…

———— ——— ——— —

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not Happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I Look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

And that’s when the fight started…

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Conscience

A man asked Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) what was the mark whereby he might know the reality of his faith.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “If thou derive pleasure from the good which thou hast performed and thou be grieved for the evil which thou hast committed, thou art a true believer.”

The man said. “In what doth a fault really consist?”

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “When action pricketh thy conscience, forsake it.”

All actions are judged by the motive prompting them.

Feudalism and Politics

“Everything is possible in the Bhutto family,” declares Fatima Bhutto in her widely publicised book Songs of Blood and Sword, a sort of family hagiography. True, contrary to Daughter of the East, Benazir Bhutto’s autobiography, Fatima Bhutto goes an extra mile in revealing the skeletons the Bhuttos would love to keep hidden in the closet.

It is indeed bold of Fatima Bhutto to mention the colonial-era certificate no feudal family would like to publicise. The certificate reads: “By command of His Excellency the Viceroy and Governor General, this certificate is presented in the name of Her Most Gracious Majesty Victoria, Empress of India, to Doda Khan Bhoota in recognition of his loyalty and good service as a landholder.” It was honest of Fatima Bhutto to quote Khair Bux Marri as saying, “Bhutto was no different from Hitler.” To publish all this calls for a daring perhaps only “possible in the Bhutto family,” of all the country’s feudal families.

Benazir Bhutto had made courageous revelations about her paternal aunts who were never married off lest the Bhuttos’ feudal estate shrink by a few miles. The Bhutto ladies, however, give up their intellectual chivalry when it comes to embarrassing truths or the need to retain a status quo in the country. Therefore, despite an apparent nihilistic attitude, one finds the feuding aunt and niece in complete harmony on every key political and family concern. Both glorify the Bhuttos’ feudal past and massive fiefdom. Benazir Bhutto proudly wrote about a British official travelling for hours by car through the Bhuttos’ estate. Fatima Bhutto narrates the story of a census taken during the Raj when a British officer instructed a subordinate to tally up the various holdings of Sindh’s elite. ”Call me when you’ve finished detailing the Bhutto land,” the officer was said to have instructed. Several days later, he had not heard from his colleague and returned to ask why he had not reported back. “I’m still working on the Bhutto lands,” was the subordinate’s reply.

Similarly, both Bhutto ladies acclaim the macho acts of their feudal forefathers. While Benazir Bhutto wrote about a great-grandfather who seduced the wife of a British official, Fatima Bhutto introduces the reader to Rasul Bux Bhutto with his “nasty habit of swearing,” who would curse “everyone in sight.” Would he swear even when a white man was in sight? Fatima Bhutto does not say. However, one victim of this nasty habit in Fatima Bhutto’s book is a nameless poor servant whom Rasul Bux Bhutto addressed and referred to as haram zada.

While she nonchalantly speaks of Rasul Bux Bhutto’s “nasty habit,” Fatima Bhutto, like her aunt, chose to ignore the adulatory letter Zulfikar Ali Bhutto wrote to Iskander Mirza in 1959, which one can find in Stanley Wolpert’s book Zulfi Bhutto of Pakistan. Expressing his “imperishable and devoted loyalty” to him, Bhutto wrote to President Iskander Mirza: “When the history of our country is written by objective historians, your name will be placed even before that of Mr Jinnah.” He goes on to write, “Sir, I say this because I mean it, and not because you are the President of my country.”

However, Bhutto as an individual should not be judged by his adolescent letters. The way he heroically walked to the gallows in an act of supreme defiance, absolves him of his personal flaws. The problem arises when objective historians in 70 Clifton’s archives cite facts from history only selectively. On capitalism, feudalism, democratic institutions, the role of the military, foreign policy, one finds both aunt and niece in harmony.

While Benazir Bhutto rejected nationalisation outright, Fatima Bhutto does not even want to discuss the “pros and cons of nationalisation.” When Grandpa Bhutto did it, “nationalisation was the only means to redistribute wealth.” Venezuela and Bolivia even now find it the only means to redistribute wealth.

In both books, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto appears as an India-centric hawk (although with great contempt for Kashmiris’ right to self-determination). This is not a coincidence, perhaps. India-centric hawkishness implies support and justification for the hefty defence budget. Hence, Benazir and Fatima Bhutto criticise a few generals, but there is not a word about the army as an institution.

Dictatorship is not the Bhuttos’ problem. Zulfikar Ali Bhutto welcomed and served the 1958 “revolution” and collaborated with Gen Yahya Khan in the reversal of the democratic outcome of the country’s first general elections, with catastrophic consequences for East Pakistanis. Likewise, in 1999, Benazir Bhutto, even Ghinwa Bhutto, welcomed Gen Musharraf. Fatima Bhutto ceaselessly eulogises Hafez al-Assad of Syria. Tyranny is no problem as long as it is a gracious host.

No doubt, Fatima Bhutto denounced dynastic politics in her book. She accuses Zardari of ruling “by virtue of having a close enough tie to the dead, to the corpses that demand–and receive–sympathy votes.” But the same criterion is not applied to her father Murtaza Bhutto or his widow Ghinwa Bhutto, or to their PPP-SB group. In the book, she herself invokes family tragedy and seeks sympathy.

Hence, what appears to be a fierce clash of ideas between niece and aunt boils down to strictly personal issues. The Bhuttos have been clashing in the past: Murtaza Bhutto against sister Benazir, Nusrat Bhutto against daughter Benazir. Every clash was cloaked in ideology. In all these clashes, commitment to the status quo in the country remains a constant. None of the Bhuttos contests the status quo.

By: Farooq Sulehria

IT and Management

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be in Information Technology,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “how did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

Hypocrisy of FOX News and Google

The FOXNews report – quoting Google – that Pakistan is at No 1 in using porn sites at the Internet is false and showed inaccurate data when it comes to identifying searches from various regions, said Pakistan’s Internet association.

There are 1.5 to 1.8 billion Internet users worldwide and Pakistan has only 5 to 8 million Internet users, less than 0.5% of global users and Internet penetration is less than 5% of total population, Wahajus Siraj, spokesman for Internet Service Providers Association of Pakistan (ISPAK), said in a statement issued here on Friday.

The FOXNews story refers to Google Insights and Google Trends, he said, adding, Google Trends shows the searches coming from countries as well as their cities. In some searches like “how to make bomb”, New Zealand ranks No 1 and one of its cities is at No 2. This shows that if a country is ranking number one in a global search, some its cities should also be among top ranking cities. But if someone searched “horse sex” as reported in the story, Pakistan is at the top whereas none of Pakistani city is among the top ten. Similarly if someone tries all other words reported in the story, Pakistan comes on top but its cities don’t come on the top 10. This means that this data is badly managed and fabricated.

He said that if one goes to Google Insight and uses key porn words as mentioned in the story, Pakistan comes on the top. But if word “optical fiber” is typed, Pakistan also comes at No 2. Not many Internet users even know what fiber optic means and have little interest in it. Similarly, if word “missile” is typed, Pakistan again comes on the top. For word “nuclear”, Pakistan is on top again. For word laser printer, Pakistan is on sixth ranking and for “wimax”, Pakistan is on 4th number.

Anyone having little knowledge can understand that not many Pakistanis would be using these sophisticated and high tech searches. This means that data and analysis of Google is false and not correct.

Now if someone is searching Google for a particular porn website, the user must be viewing that site. If websites with key words reported in the FOX story are searched in the Google and then their names are matched from the Google’s own record of users accessing that site from a particular country, those websites are not accessed from Pakistan but from the USA and other countries.

The data from another renowned ranking site, alexa.com, that ranks top sites accessed from a country does not show any pornographic site among top 40 websites frequently accessed from Pakistan. Top website accessed from Pakistan is Google, followed by Youtube, Facebook and others.

Siraj said: “We demand an immediate apology from FOXNews for exploiting the data to let 170 million Pakistani people down as part of wicked campaign against Pakistan and also from Google on showing these wrong statistics and to correct its indexing.